bluebeard

So, there's this person that you used to hang out with a lot as a teenager. You lived in bumfukt egypt, way in the middle of nowhere, and they'd come get you and you'd spend a week at their place in the city. It was all good.

You go different ways, don't talk for awhile, move to another part of the country, return.. and see someone who knows what's this person's habits are.

Months pass, and then.. you finally see them again. It's been 6+ years since seeing this person who was, while at the time on the same level as you, extremely formative.

You walk up, "Hi, I'm me." "Wow! It's been forever. What's up? blahblah".. they ask you to buy them a drink, you do, of course. You talk some more, introduce the person to your SO, they go talk to a friend.

You get up to leave five minutes later, write your phone number, E-mail, yahoo ID on a napkin. Hand it to them with a blank napkin and a pen, and tellt hem you realy want to reconnect.

Their response? They ask you if you can spot them a hit of ecstacy.

Okay, fine, drugs, whatever. They're fun, they feel good, and in moderation ain't no threat to anything. But to ask for that kind of a spot from an old friend 15 minutes after meeting them for a 2nd time?

The past is a very, very strange place.

Selective breeding can be a really disgusting practice.

oh my god. Rasputina.

I freaked.

I really don't understand "hot or not"-style communities. Post your pictures, and if you get voted attractive, you get to vote on other people.

I realise keeping a publically visible journal is an exercise in narcissism already, but... that's just worthless.

RASPUTINA!!!! SUNDAY!!!!! YOUNG AVENUE DELI!!!!

best post-sex midnight snack ever:

pesto and foccacia bread
boursin
shitake mushrooms sauteed in red wine
and milk.

Whoever wrote that "who has a crush on you" thing needs to set the text color to something other than white.

correction: they need to set the text color in the first place. The author failed to do so.

Even one weekend, one overnight stay at a gathering has it's intended effect: it pushes all your issues, everything you've been trying to bury inside your head and not deal with, right to the surface.

Even though I'm reminded of how much I love the people I go with and see there, I left this time with all of my hate and anger right up in my face, screaming and begging for me to deal, to try to express the things I find positive in this world instead of the things I'd rather shoot in the face.

Steps forward? No, for me it feels more like inching along with your toes. I often don't feel like I have the space/time to think as much as I need to, and the time I get to myself where I'd like to relax ends up just tensing me worse because of all the crap I have to analyze. The parts of myself I'd like to [throw away? transform? give? get? modify slightly? enhance? detract?] seem stuck because they all want attention RIGHT NOW. Controlling that flow of thought/emotion (is there really a difference?) is often near impossible.... rather, it often feels impossible.

I need and I don't know what.

Yay! I was off by 12 hours on when the money magically appears on my job-issued debit card -- I got paid this morning, not tonight like I thought.

groove.

I was really not wanting to go to work, but then I remembered that I still have the Coke that Puck bought me last night, and that made it all better somehow.