post-gathering

[bluebeard]

Even one weekend, one overnight stay at a gathering has it's intended effect: it pushes all your issues, everything you've been trying to bury inside your head and not deal with, right to the surface.

Even though I'm reminded of how much I love the people I go with and see there, I left this time with all of my hate and anger right up in my face, screaming and begging for me to deal, to try to express the things I find positive in this world instead of the things I'd rather shoot in the face.

Steps forward? No, for me it feels more like inching along with your toes. I often don't feel like I have the space/time to think as much as I need to, and the time I get to myself where I'd like to relax ends up just tensing me worse because of all the crap I have to analyze. The parts of myself I'd like to [throw away? transform? give? get? modify slightly? enhance? detract?] seem stuck because they all want attention RIGHT NOW. Controlling that flow of thought/emotion (is there really a difference?) is often near impossible.... rather, it often feels impossible.

I need and I don't know what.

Comments

[oboiex.livejournal.com]

Even the toes distance is better than none at all. The path to a better self is never a quick or easy path. It is good to inch along, otherwise you might miss some personal road signs along the way.

[ink-ling.livejournal.com]

I had -- I think -- a similar experience, bubba. I -- even in this short time -- have been trying to push everything back into the back of my head until I have time to process it. At the same time, I feel pretty disappointed with myself for not having made all the strides I thought I had by this point. Soon, I need to sit down and set myself some clear goals on these particular things I want to work on.