(no subject)

[bluebeard]

Gay.com has this article up about open relationships, and the virulent comments to it are pretty fucking funny.

Lemme tell ya, queens: if your anus doubles as your wedding ring, you've got some serious issues about the way you value your relationships. If your emotional structure dictates monogamy for you, great -- there's as many reasons for it as there are against, but to turn around and vilify swingers/poly people because, as you say, they're "all about the sex", while you yourself "know" your partner loves you because he fucks you up the ass, you're a hypocrite and an asshole.

Comments

[ink-ling.livejournal.com]

I think -- without having read this particular article -- that there is too much angry stridency on both sides of this issue, which perpetuates it. To me, there is a weird rallying around numbers (polyamory/open relationships on the side of plurality and monogamy on the side of singleness of relational focus) which serves to obscure the more vital discussions about definitions of love, intimacy, loyalty, commitment, independence, etc. and how sex and legal rights/legitimacy relate to these.

I have begun to believe the words are inadequate anymore, mired uselessly in identity politics and our sense of radicalism and traditionalism.

I believe there are overwhelming numbers of people involved in open relationships and polyamory who are obsessed with sex in a way that smacks of consumerism and objectification. I also believe there are overwhelming numbers of people involved in monogamy who are obsessed with fidelity in a way that smacks of property possession and objectification.

Maybe we should get upset less about the structure of the relationships and interrogate more our concepts of sex and fidelity as they relate to capitalist-model objectification. I know I tend to think more in terms of what I want out of a relationship now and tend to look for that in a partner and their practices and values, not these overly charged terms.

Is there any way you could forward the article/discussion to me? I'm interested.

[dom-ino.livejournal.com]

Here's a link. (http://www.gay.com/news/roundups/package.html?sernum=1333&navpath=/channels/health/mental/&from=homepage)

I agree with you about how identity issues affect this discussion; I fall victime to it myself, having knee-jerk reactions to langauge against open/polyfolk that is, itself, a knee-jerk. (see my own comment to the article as an example.)

What language, then, do you think would be better? It's a difficult topic to discuss without descriptors of some kind, but the moment you say "mono" or "poly" the opposing side will react with vehemence.

You're spot on about the capitalist-model effects on relationships, and there's many tendrils woven throughout both models. Modern body issues lead to sex as social acceptance/validation; consumerism leads to objectification leads to ownership, or consumerism leads to objectification leads to Collect 'Em All!.